If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
