Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
