Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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