At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
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Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
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The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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