I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
