Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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