Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
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Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
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I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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