girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
