Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.