she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.