I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
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I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
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Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.