I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.