I didn't shave. On purpose
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
