i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
