i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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