I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
