I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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