Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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