She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
