So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
