Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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