Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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