Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
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