Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
