my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
