I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
