Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
