So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
