he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
