There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
