Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
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