Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
In other news, I just burned my penis
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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