I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
