I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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