so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
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