You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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