so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
