She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
