we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
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sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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