Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
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