So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
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