Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
