I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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