i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
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Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
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So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize