I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
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Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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