Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
