my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
