I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
