She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
