just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
