You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
In America we eat man semen.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
