Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
