I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
