It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Randomize
