He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
