If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I think my fart just growled at me.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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