I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
