The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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