I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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