she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
