I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
