how can u be prego again
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
