sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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